THE LOVE STORY........ ENDS B4 IT BEGINS !

She was a young girl of eighteen,

who lived inside the fortress

guided by the principles,coldness,ego,solitude.

She did not fraternise.

She did not smile.

She exchanged her heart for success.

She became heartless,but took it as a great deal.

She blocked all openings of the fortress walls,

so that the warmth of the sun wouldn't tempt her

to walk on the golden sand,

with open feet,

feeling its warmth.

She lost herself.

She didn't care.

for all she wanted was success.

People appreciated her genius,

she gave a broken smile.

People appreciated her beauty,

she moved off.

Someone knew that she was undergoing a battle within herself.

Someone knew that she was lonely beyond explanation.

That someone tried to teach her 

that life is about achieving happiness,

not success.

She rebuked him,

for he was telling that happiness was 'greater' than success.

She gave him stern looks.

He said she still looked beautiful.

She striked him hard with her staff.

He said he would take all the pain with pleasure

if it made her heart feel any good.

She said "I don't have a heart you fool".

He said  "you do have it, young girl".

The girl didn't say a word.

She moved into a darker world.

He didn't follow her for he had some other business

that actually mattered a lot.

He did the thing no one had ever dared to do before.

He broke open the fortress walls built by her.

He filled the young girl's world with sunrays 

that carried heart touching warmth.

He thought,

with this he had taken all her pains away.

He waited for her at the mansion

for he would surprise her with the changes he had brought,

while she was moving on the endless roads of the dark world.

He waited.

She didn't come.

Atlast he felt something was wrong.

He decided to search for her,

hence started running on the empty roads of the dark world.

He stopped,

for now  he could see the young girl,

sleeping under a thunderstruck tree.

He felt like she had grown more beautiful than ever.

He moved towards the sleeping soul,

removed the strands of wet hair

covering her cheeks hardened with dried tears.

He took her by arms

and started singing a song to wake her.

The song ended with the breaking dawn.

She didn't wake up.

He shook her hard.

He yelled.

His eyes became sore,

for he had shed each drop of tear he had.

He muttered a few words 

in the ears of the dead girl.

And now he lay at the feet of the corpse,

while his soul travelled 

to the far off land where it could find her's.

That rainy night

That rainy night, when I was busy 

drenching myself with the tears of the gloomy sky

and hearing its thundering sobs

in the parking lot,

you came smiling 

with a fat mug of coffee

allowing the rain drops to destroy its strong taste.

"Eh ! enjoying the rain ?" this is just what you said

and I was already glaring at you

with intense hatred and anger.

You offered me the coffee,

but I rudely refused.

It is now that I realise,

it was not just the pleasure 

of having the strong hot coffee in the cold rain,

but much more that I pushed away.

You saw my umbrella lying on the bare road

and tried to collect it ,

but I warned you not even dare to touch the same.

You smiled again

and I kept wandering,

if this was pity or something else.

You slowly slided your fingers into those of mine,

and said this was going to be the best rainy night ever.

And I furiously uncurled my fingers from yours.

You said it was really tough for you 

not to let your eyes drown

into the deep dreamy blue ones of mine,

and I said that was not my problem.

I wanted you to see the aversion,

the storm of hatred in my eyes,

but you ended up in something very different.

You requested me to get into your car

or else I was going to have a really bad cold,

I denied.

For me you were just wasting my time,

forbidding me from the pleasure

of washing away all my wounds, my pain,

in the heavy,icying,unending rain.

All I wanted was to be alone,

and all you wanted was to diminish my pain,

to bring a smile on my face.

Why did not you accept that

I was in no mood of sharing my grief ?

You knowingly remained unknown 

of the odius nature of mine.

You took advantage of my perplexity

and dragged me into the passanger seat.

Gradually my face dried up

and it was now that I realised

that I had been crying,

coz there was no more rain to hide my tears.

I unlocked the door

and was about to leave,

when you again caught hold of my arms.

I looked straight into your eyes 

and yours were already dug into mine.

Now it seemed as if 

time had stopped moving ahead.

Everything had collapsed.

Even the rain drops were hanging in the air.

You gently dried my cheeks

and covered me with the shiny black jacket of yours.

My eyes were still under the attractive pull of your magnetic blacks.

I could sense the shine of humour,of love

in your eyes.

You said my shoes were frowsy

and I said why dont we exchange.

Now that was very stupid I know,

to have exchanged my funky sports shoes

with the formal shiny black boots of yours.

Instead of firing me with questions,

like why I had been avoiding you,

leaving your phone calls unanswered,

not replying your texts,

and many more,

you comforted me with the silence,

the tranquillizing silence

that was in a verge to heal all my wounds.

But suddenly I felt that 

I did not deserve it,

that I did not deserve YOU.

And thus I asked you to drop me

in the same place 

of the parking lot.

You obeyed me quietly this time.

You had no questions.

Perhaps you understood now,

what I actually wanted.

On reaching the same place,

I headed towards my bright red umbrella

and stood beside it.

I closed my eyes and just stood there,

determined not to move

untill the rain would open the pearly gates of heaven for me.

But I ended up just with a dreadly fever.

I did not die.

And now I live.

I live remembering THAT RAINY NIGHT.

A word to my dear Sister

If happiness were baits ,

I would love to beg for you.

If my tears brought you smiles,

I would not mind crying all day long.

If my failure brought you glory,

I would erase the word 'success' from my life.

If my presence suffocated you,

I would happily suffocate myself to death.

But I know

you dont want me to beg, cry or die for you.

All that you want from me 

is to make you proud.

You have never cared 

whether big or small my achievements were.

You just wanted me to succeed,

thats all.

You did not abuse me if I did not excel.

You appreciated my efforts,

always.

I can never repay your love and blessings,

even with a million thanks.

I know nothing would make you more happy

than my promise to work hard,

which leads me to a place so high ,

where we can equally stand.

MY BEST FRIEND

She followed me even in impassable roads,

where there was immense darkness,

and we did not know 

to where it led.

She imbued me with enthusiasm,

when I had lost all hope.

She patiently heard the painful stories my heart narrated.

She had accepted everything,

my imbecility,

my imperious nature,

my mood swings.

She liked me inspite of my imperfections.

I could always feel her presence,

when I suffered from severe emotional disturbance.

She comforted me with the warmth,

when I stood shivering ,out in the rain.

She always filled the air around me

with the fragnance I can not live without.

She does not fear to stir up the hornet's nest ,

when it comes to me.

She is smart ,bold ,passionate.

She is fearless.

She was always there ,

and she will always be.

She was born with my first breath

and SHE is the one i want to live with,

even after my death.

She lives inside my vulnerable heart .

She is my best friend - "ME".

WANT THE CHILD TO GROW ???

In a room lighted by flickering gas lights,

with heavy junked chains fastened round the heart,

prohibiting every single movement of the crying soul

towards the small hole in the stuffed room

from which enters the ray of hope,

you say the child can grow ?

Feeding the creature that does not dare to speak

with unwonted knowledge 

from subjects of your own interest,

you don't stop a moment

and keep stuffing her mouth until she pukes.

Do you think it helps the child grow ?

With an ever pondering mind

filled with doubts,guilt and remorse,

an aching heart that simply wants to stop beating right now,

A screeching soul that is starving from years,

does your intelligent and experienced brain still says

all this pain is kind of supplement for the child's growth ?

The world is wise and you are so.

You'll say who am I to teach you things,

so I better make a 'request'.

let the child move out of that stuffed room

into the thick woods where she can dare to sing her heart.

Let her move on the land of her desire

where she can breathe the air that actually makes her feel alive.

Let her drink from whatever source that quenches her thirst.

Let her dream.

Let her talk.

Let her be human.

Let her "LIVE" atleast for a single day,

and you see how fast the child grows !

The Forgotten Song

A canary chirped inside the golden bars,

fluttering her delicate wings with terrible force

for the divine longing of swimming high in the air.

She has forgotten the song she used to sing in the forest.

She has forgotten the taste of the food she once relished.

She has forgotten her home,her family,her friends.

She no more makes sweet noise.

Her voice reflects her pain,

her voice trembles.

She wants no delicacies to be fed,

no golden cage to live in.

All she wants is to be touched by the warm sunrays,

to see the vast stretch  of blue,

to sing the forgotten song,

in the densest of woods.

She wants to race with her friends ,

to drench herself in the cold rain.

When the little creature sobs,

no good hearts are there to show pity.

People watch the restless bird from far,

and clap,

being gratified by her strange act.

True.

Human have good logic.

They are far more advanced,

to understand the agony of the little bird.

One day,

I see a lifeless yellow creature,

feathers surrounding her ,

gone to the father high above,

to get the answers 

for those numerous questions her mind ever pondered

throught her life ,

though short it was.

Gone is the canary,

and gone with her is the memory of 'The Forgotten Song '.

The longest talk I ever had

Raw and chill was the winter morning,

when he dropped by my house

to ask of my company for a stroll by the woods.

My teeth chattered as I hastened down the stairs,

my toes ignoring the pain,

my eyes gleaming brighter than ever before.

My breath was suspended until i reached him at the door.

I wish I could stand there the same ,

admiring the beauty of his smile

but then he took hold of my chilled fingers 

and led me to the empty frozen road outside,

shining brilliantly ,

though it had been lashed last night.

Little dark though it was,

the lamp that he carried threw light on the gravel road,

sodden by the recent thaw.

As the dawn was about to break ,

we decended the frozen valley,

and comforted ourselves on a fat log,

though little tired our feet were

after the long walk.

I heard a wild wind rushing amongst the trees

breaking the tranquilising silence

capable of making anyone fall in love.

We both let the wind make ghosty noise ,

declaring him the winner of the field

and we engaged ourselves 

in the strange long talk of ours.

Neither of us spoke a word .

His eyes told me enchanting stories

and I guess he was able too

to understand the language my eyes used,

however difficult it was.

We talked and talked ,

and later,

when we had parted our ways,

I realised ,

'It was the longest talk I ever had'.

Blindman's Bluff

Unaware of the darkness 

she stepped out,

determined never to look back.

She walked through the blizzard

and found blackguards,

took them as angels,

befriended.

She halted by the side of a frozen lake

to have some rest.

She played the bassoon

and her so called friends hated the sweet noise it made.

They left.

She remembered the blandishments.

She wept.

She helped herself on feet,

moved on to uncharted places.

She witnessed violent bloodsheds,

got used to it.

Now,at the sight of it

her heart did not bemoan,

it smiled.

Everyone she saw seemed a bigot.

She developed ulterior motives,

treated others as underlings.

Now she roamed about the snowy fields,

killing people,

splattering the red blood content on the black ice.

Her mind was bamboozled.

Her heart said - 'Have a bash'

and on she went, 

killing.

One night when she was walking

 through another heavy freezing blizzard,

something deep inside her

made her feel these things awry.

She recalled,

she had been blindfolded

the night she had stepped out in the dark,

when she was feeling unaccountably depressed.

She found her way back ,

went home,

lit up a candle,

got down on her knees,

with folded hands,

warm tears,

muttering lips.

She opened her moist eyes,

and she could see none

but JESUS !

               

Easy Questions for my Sister

How could you fulfill all my whims ?

How could you speak so softly,

when my perverseness went too far ?

What made you seek the presence

of such a pest like me,

now and always ?

How could you heal me so gently ,

when I was petrified by silly things ?

How could you diminish

the perplexity of my mind so easily ?

How could you be so patiently waiting,

with hands streched ,

even when my fingers were curled around something else ?

What made you be so gentle

with the person who never let you liv at peace ?

How could you guide me always

with so much ease,

despite all my hoaxes ?

Why did you always think of making me smile

when you knew

I never did anything great

that would truely gratify you ?

How could you be always ready

to avenge my troubles,

when you knew that I myself was the cause ?

How could you treat me as a part of your soul ,

when you always knew

 I never deserved ?

The broken boat stranded on a desolate coast

When my wandering heart caught a glance

of the wretched wooden creature ,

that hardly resembled the image of an old fashioned boat,

my eyes travelled in a flashback,

that seemed so full of life yet so absurd.

Even though I was firmly rooted to the spot,

I could hear the footsteps of my heart

walking on the path of sentiment

that haunted the quiet solitary coast.

I could hear the laughter of jolly children 

endless gossips and high pitched discussions of men and women,

the chirping birds,

and the naughty splash 

when the tides ran through the majestic rocks.

Vendors crying out to tempt the children

towards their enticing stalls

containing cotton candies,tarts,pastries and colourful handmade toys.

Seafood joints made of bamboo sticks,

carrying an impressive coastal look,

with customers swarming in and out

every now and then.

The wild rush of the wind

making its own unique noise.

My eyes had to run fast 

so that I didn't miss a moment.

While stabilising my bamboozled mind,

I caught the glimpse of a little girl,

bearing the widest smile of all,with the numbered fingers firmy curled

around the fleshy,protective index finger

of a smart,well built young man

that could be none other than her father.

They both walked swiftly through the cold sandgrains through their feet,

talking about the planets,the stars and the far off lands.

The father kept asking the young girl 

if her little feet were tired

and she said a proud 'no' each time

just to show how strong a daughter she was.

Neither did the father feel tired of narrating stories

of bravery,values and wisdom,

nor did the girl lack interest,

and on went their warm and wise talk ,

even when the colour of the sky changed.

As it was getting dark ,and fear clutched the cold arm of the girl,

she climbed into her father's  soldiers

and they both started leaving the coast .

It was not until now that I felt like watching so keenly.

A chill ran through my nerves and I froze.

What a magnificient bonding I had with my Dad

and even now what magnificient bonding it was meant to be .

I have no right to blame either him oor the circumstances.

It was me,who had thoughtlessly stopped talking to him.

Even though it was me who possessed it now,

I should have never ignored the noble people

by whom 'my life' was gifted to me.

As I was heading on the journey of realisation,

I stumbled.

Something cold and harsh touched my knees .

With a flick of the eyelid ,

I was out of the movie.

Twilight was deepening in the real world

and right before me was a broken boat,

the same one,

however not in the same condition

of which I had caught a short glimpse 

In the flashback that I had witnessed a few moments ago.

I felt as if the wild wind rushing towards me

shook me by my arms

trying to make me realise,

even a smart teen like me had a child's heart.

And now, a soft smile takes hold of my face

when I say Dad

"It was a broken boat stranded on the desolate coast 

that brought me back to your kind heart."

The Darkest Night of my Life

I'll never forget
those pinning words you made me hear,

never forget those butcher's eyes

transperent enough

to show me the ocean of
devilish intentions inside.

You were already gloating over
the pain you had caused me 

while my eyes were running through your face,

your eyes,

your gestures,

to make out the slightest of
what you were actually upto.

I felt a raging blizzard
inside the pit of my belly,

felt dizzy,

felt like red hot iron rods had been
pierced through my eyes,

hands shivering like anything,

head gone blank,

refusing to take notice of anything
that was going on.

and then,suddenly,as if I woke up
from a tiring long slumber,

realised that I had stopped breathing.

I started the process
without a second thought,

perhaps my heart wanted to take in
some more of the pain

that was being showered
by the one I used to call 

'my world','my life','my pain reliever'.

I was just about to leave 

when I felt the gentlemanly presence

of the other two persons,

witnessing this bitter,one sided fight,

between you and me.

I don't know what made me keep my mouth shut,

head buried deep under the ground,

feeling pain, hatred, confusion, madness,

so many emotions mixed,

as I had never been through before .

At first I was contemplating suicide ,

at the very next moment thinking of murder.

Your bold shameless act made me feel sick

But yeah ! Thanks to you

I witnessed the darker side of life,

I was taught to believe that my life is all about ME,

My own battle,

battle against everyone else.

There is no one whom I can call mine,

whom I can ask for help anytime .

There is no one and there will never be .

Thanks to you again

for you constricted all my human feelings.

You'll never ever have to fight with me
to get your decisions followed,
your opinions carried out
the very way you want,
I promise you that.
coz I broke apart
the brittle strings of bonding,
that held fast our relationship,
that very night.
I guarantee you a peaceful and happy life
from now on
coz I won't be there to disturb you ,
to hurt you,
to bring you shame,
as you think I've always had.
I am going out of your life forever and ever.
going away to never return,
I promise you that.
And thanks.
Thanks for showing me
the darkest night of my life.